Life Mastery: 12 Simple Essentials for Extraordinary Living (Part II of III)
5. DONE
“The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you can see.” --Winston Churchill
Have you ever hiked a mountain and felt like the top is so far away, yet when you looked back you realized how far you have already gone?
Oftentimes we wake up with a list of to-do items that we feel overwhelmed. Given there are infinite things that you can do you could forever feel like you are behind. But if we start the day with a “done” list, take a mental note of the things you have accomplished the day before, how would that feel? “For to everyone who has more will be given,” said the wise one. So, if you wake up with a list of things to be done, you will find or be given more things to do. That’s why if you return every email that goes to your inbox within five minutes, you will certainly find more emails go your way and if the next time it takes you more than five minutes to respond, you will receive questions and complaints about why you don’t reply sooner. Because your “efficiency” has set people’s expectations up. Whereas if you start with a “done-list” in mind, your brain will look for things in kind, you will suddenly realize indeed you have accomplished quite a few things and are motivated to continue to do more, out of a sense of competence and abundance rather than obligation and lack.
Start everyday with at least five things that you have done or have been done for you. Be grateful for your ability to accomplish things and also the grace that things are accomplished without your effort. The simple act of literally counting your blessings instantly raise your vibration. You will feel more energetic, more upbeat, more ready to face the challenges of the day and ultimately accomplish more on your to-do list.
6. DANCE
“It is only when we realize that life is taking us nowhere that it begins to have meaning.” --P.D. Ouspensky
When you dance, your goal is not the end of the dance but rather the dancing itself. That’s why you never “rush” in a dance. What are you rushing for? You dance for the sake of dancing for you enjoy the very act of dancing itself.
Yet in our daily lives, oftentimes we are rushing against time when time is just a concept. Show me time. You can’t. Nothing happens in the past and nothing happens in the future, everything happens in NOW. We don’t have limited time; we just have NOW. The more present we are in NOW, the more we enjoy the dance. We can’t run ahead into the future and we can’t travel back into the past, yet we can go deeper into NOW by being more present, more engaged and more at one with the ever present NOW. No one knows how much “time” you have in your life but you can certainly put more life in your “time.”
In today’s highly competitive society, children are programmed since small to reach for the next goal. No wonder many adults experience imposter syndrome especially in their first job. They are perpetually being told that you have to prepare for the real world by going to the best schools so that you can get a good job. But then when they actually land on a “good job” they still can’t get rid of the mentality of preparing for the next thing. They feel like they are neither competent nor adequate. The many things they engage in throughout life up to that point seem to be a means to the end and they are just not used to the concept that: “This is it; you have arrived!”
To be able to play for the sake of playing is what we need to learn from the children. In playing children learn about how to corporate, how to share, how to work as a team, how to show kindness, how to give yourself all-in; these are all qualities that “the real world” are looking for. When you allow children to naturally play, they will develop these qualities naturally. And when they become adults, they bring with them these qualities into their “work” seamlessly and enjoying themselves whether young or old.
On the other hand, if the things children do are more for the unreachable future, they can’t not feel empty, hollow, that what they are doing are more chores than a dance.
When you look at your calendar and daily activities, how many of those seem like dancing and how many seem like chores? Do you enjoy the things you are doing for the sake of doing or are you doing something that are unpleasant but “necessary?”
There is a book called “The Only Dance There Is.” I have not read that book but I like the title. Likewise, we can also say Now is “The Only Moment There Is.” In fact, you can’t even isolate the moment, give it a beginning and an end. The moment you try to define the moment the moment is gone. You can’t take a single moment out of time just like you can’t take a drop of water out of the ocean.
For the “chores” you find on your calendar, how many of those can you remove by delegating, deleting, streamlining so that you have more room to “dance”?
When you realize life is a dance, will you look forward to the end of the music? Or would you rather engage yourself fully while the music is still on? When you realize the journey is the destination, you will have a whole new attitude in living your NOW moment, the only moment there is.
7. DELIGHT
“The only difference between an extraordinary life and an ordinary one is the extraordinary pleasures you find in ordinary things.” ― Veronique Vienne
As a coach, I have the privilege of meeting a lot of smart people from all kinds of lucrative careers who confide to me their stresses and fears. Oftentimes these are people who went to top schools, worked at prestigious companies and are making a whole lot more than the national average. Yet it seems that they are still striving very hard to reach their next goal, the next promotion, the next milestone when in many aspects they are considered to be very “successful” already. It seems that we are conditioned to always want more and believe it takes a lot to have a comfortable and enjoyable life. Does it really take literally almost a lifetime to “make it?”
“I asked for all things that I might enjoy life: I was given life that I might enjoy all things.” These two lines in my high school “Hymn Book” have so much wisdom that I appreciate them even more as I get older. The geniuses in life are those who can delight themselves in common, little things rather than those who work very hard towards only a few spectacular things that they can enjoy. Whereas we are programmed to believe we need to work really hard, make a lot of money to go on some exotic vacations to really enjoy life, that could turn out to be a very stressful ride from the beginning to the end.
On the other hand, there are many real pleasures that are as reachable as the air you breathe and don’t cost anything or cost very little. How about a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice? A warm bubble-bath? A walk in the nature listening to your favorite music or podcast? Look at the birds in the sky, the ducks in the pond, the stars at night or early in the morning; watch the sunrise every morning for free. Brew a cup of tea, have a bag of healthy and tasty snacks. Watch a classic movie, and have your bowl of yummy ice-cream. How about pick up the phone and call a friend you have not talked to for a while?
If you make it a habit to delight yourself with life’s simple pleasures, you will soon find yourself to be the richest person on earth on your own terms!
As Writer Robert Brault said, “Enjoy the little things. For one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”
8. DEPTH
“Row out to the deep, and cast your net for a catch.” -- Jesus
You may or may not be familiar with this story where Jesus asked his follower Peter to cast the net to the deep after a whole night of unsuccessful fishing. As Peter, the experienced fisherman, reluctantly followed the teacher’s instruction to do so, he was surprised to catch a full load of fish. He was amazed by this seemingly irrational command and even felt a bit shameful for doubting his master at first. This story has been told and preached countless times and even made into dozens of movies. The method of fishing might be a bit outdated yet the lessons are still relevant today.
Superficiality is like a twin brother or sister to distraction. When we live in a world full of distractions, it is super hard to stay grounded, centered and go deep. We are constantly being measured by numbers, statistics, ranking, views; we just can’t share fast enough or show up frequently enough so that we won’t be forgotten. Oftentimes we are spreading ourselves too thin, both the input and output are miles wide while inches deep.
When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone; watched a move that’s truly touching; read a book that’s rich; visited a place that moved you to tears; immersed yourself in a project that means a lot to you; or simply remained in silence and soaked in the beauty of a sunset? Would you rather read ten average books one time each, or would you rather read a really great book ten times? Would you rather have hundreds and thousands of followers, most of them are just numbers to you; or would you rather have a handful of real friends, who would run to you wherever they are when you need them the most? At the end of the day, you will find that going deep, whether professionally or personally, oftentimes are more fulfilling, less stressful and have greater impact in the long run.
There indeed are loads of fish on the deep end, even hidden treasures, waiting for you to catch and discover. In your daily, weekly, monthly calendar, make sure you schedule the time for the deep things in life, in whatever shape or form.
Go deep, don’t just go wide. This is indeed good advice!